Hello. I’m James. Despite what they tell you in books, attending an all-boy’s school is actually quite humorous at times.
Situation 1: Period one, Spanish. Someone slowly pulls out their smartphone and uses a fart app on full volume during a quiz. Later, it was unearthed that the culprit set it to ‘Brown Mosquito.”
Situation 2: Math! My teacher’s pretty cool. Everyone mispronounces his last name. Rather than ‘el – geht’ everybody says ‘egg – let’
Vince, aka ‘Big Vinny’: “MISter EGGLETTE, (voice cracks noticeably) wouldn’t the answer be *Mathematical mumbo – jumbo*”
Mr. O’C: Yo Egglette, we need (student name here) to host a shadow.
James: *says name right*
Mr. E: *satisfied look* “Yeah Jamie?” Score!
Situation 3: Period three, Theology. Not much to say, other than the pupils remain in a constant state of cautiousness after the teacher, who is over 6 feet tall, jumped over a desk like a ninja in order to make the passing back of papers easier.
Oh boy, the best one. Situation 4, English. We have two teachers for this class, the normal one and a student teacher from a rival school. The students call him “General Monty.”
Mr. L (teacher): “troublemaker’s name, you always walk into my class with that s##### grin on your face, what’s so funny today?”
Troublemaker: Uh…I have a joke…
Mr. L: “Let’s hear it then.”
Troublemaker: “Umm…why couldn’t the pirate get into the movie? It was rated Arrr…”
Mr. L: “Pfft…” *draws out a massive conch shell and blasts into it, like in the Lord of the Flies, thus scaring the whole school*
and a bonus
General Monty does that thing where the teacher throws a foam ball to students who know the answer, but when they throw it back, he never catches it.
Monty explains id, ego, and superego one day.
Monty: “Well, the id is your basic wants and needs, like your survival instincts and sex dri-.”
Situation 5, lunch.
James: *walks by with a brownie*
Kid: “Yooooouuuuuuuuuuu…SAVAGE!” (What?)
Other Kid: *panhandles his way into getting enough money to buy a bag of chips from a vending machine like a used car dealer*
There isn’t much left to say about my next class, Phys. Ed. My dad sold carpet to my coach. Now he calls me Jim (usually in the context of, “Jimmy, run faster”. Maybe the carpet wasn’t such a good deal.) And he holds fifteen-minute lectures for every situation, such as, “This isn’t Burger King, you can’t have it your way.”
Finally, World History. My history teacher is an avid White Sox fan, and threatened to flunk the numerous Cubs fans in the class. Gotta love Chicago!
Although I’ve only been in school for a short spell of time, a little bird is telling me that my freshman year of high school is going to be A – Okay!