Boy, these humans are lucky to have me around.
This was another one of those “interesting” weekends. I already told you the story of the hot tub mishap, but of course there was more to come!
It started with Erik on Pinterest, looking at a “diy wine glass rack”. Basically, one procures a strip of wood with a ridge in it, cuts said wood in half (or smaller, in our case), then lines the ridges up parallel, so a wine glass can slide between, and thus be stored overhead when clean.
Mom thought that would be a harmless touch to the tiki bar, and asked Erik and Jamie to paint the wood the same color as the pallets (green) so as to make a little “rooflike” section.
First, Erik had to cut the wood. We have no power saws, because Dad fears them. Nosing around in the garage, he found three hand saws, little, medium, and large. He settled on “medium” and got to work.
Erik decided to saw the wood on the front porch and then hand the cut pieces to Jamie to sand down. Mom held the lumber steady. Unfortunately, Erik got a splinter in his thumb, screamed, dropped the saw, which promptly decapitated Mom’s “mums” that she had on the porch. (“I could’ve lost a finger!” shrieked Erik. “It’s a splinter,” Mom replied, woodenly.)
Mom makes the best use of her decapitated plant!
I watched all this very closely from the front windows, keeping my distance from the sawing and sanding.
Here I am, keeping a close eye on things as usual!
But there was a bug in the system. Mom took Dad downstairs (dragged him away from the tv football game, is more like it) and showed Dad where Erik wanted to install these cut wood pieces. “No and no!” Dad said, firmly. “That’s where our heating duct is. No nails, no screws.” “How about we attach the pieces with Gorilla Glue? We have Gorilla Glue,” Mom asked. After much heated debate, (“You guys as carpenters are stressing me out, not the football game!” Dad said, at one point), Dad and Jamie headed out to the hardware store to ask for advice.
Hours went by. Mom and Erik were fuming. They still wanted to carve pumpkins and Dad was taking sooooo long at the store to pick up what was surely something simple. Finally, Mom fed me and took me out, and threw dinner in the oven for the guys, disgusted.
A short while after this, they returned. “The guy said use Gorilla Glue, so I bought some,” Dad said, “And while I was there I changed our Internet provider. The new guys are coming Thursday.” Mom tried valiantly to soak this up, but only managed to get out, “We have Gorilla Glue. I told you before you left.”
After everyone ate, Dad, Erik, and Jamie went downstairs to do this gluing. I stayed back up and watched Mom clear away dinner (hoping for scraps) and set up the pumpkins. I won’t say much about what happened in the basement except to say, Dad spilled the glue and also glued his fingers together. Hmmm, maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to buy a saw?
Anyhow, after two test pieces were in place, everyone trooped into the kitchen to carve pumpkins. (I’m telling you, these people pack it in over the weekend!) Mom carved an owl that says “hoot”, Dad a huge grinning face, Jamie a thing he calls a “Lenny” face, and Erik carved a scene from The Nightmare Before Christmas where Jack Skellington is calling to Zero, who is floating above a knoll.
Mom and Dad finished clearing away the pumpkin debris. Dad remarked how good the pumpkin guts were for his hands, especially since they were covered in glue. I found a few seeds on the floor and gave them a chomp. No, thanks!
Exhaustion hit Mom like a wrecking ball. She started the dishwasher and said goodnight to everyone, when Jamie suddenly whipped out his backpack. “Sorry, Mom, I forgot about my Thermos,” he said. “Dear God, you had spaghetti in it last….Jamie!!!” “Sorry, Mom!”
I watched from my spot near the sink as Mom gingerly opened the Thermos and a waft of stench drifted out that smelled like dirty, cheesy, sneakers. Mom gagged and quickly filled the Thermos with soapy water.
The Thermos, and the pumpkin seeds.
She told Dad, “You win taking the doggie out tonight” and barely made it upstairs before collapsing in bed. In no time, I was up there at her feet.
Yes, they’re lucky I stick around to keep them out of trouble! I wonder if they know that??
Woof! Your friend, Maggie